Hello everyone and happy Friday! As I mentioned a bit in my goals post for 2022, I wanted to do something a bit different from my usual week ending wrap up posts. I signed up for a writing course through Daily OM called “A Year of Writing to Uncover the Authentic Self.” Basically, each week they send you a writing prompt with several questions to help make you think, discover more about your inner self, and learn about your own self expression. I’m excited because I think this might be something good for me, but I’m also a little nervous. This could get deep.
The first lesson is called “Roadblocks.” We all have them. Little things (or much bigger things) that get in our way from pursuing our goals and finding our dreams. It’s inevitable, a part of life. The first question this lesson posits is to figure out what is standing in my way right now. What is the biggest roadblock that I am currently facing? Without a doubt, I would say that my current biggest obstacle is my health.
I have always had issues, thankfully mostly minor ones, but enough that it makes everyday things a bit of a struggle sometimes. Ever since I had COVID, things have gotten harder. My energy levels, already pretty low due to fibromyalgia and a severe Vitamin D deficiency, are close to nonexistent now. Most mornings it is very difficult to even get out of bed. On top of that, my anxiety and depression have also increased dramatically, especially since 2020. It all combines to make even simple tasks seem too difficult and not worth the effort.
Of course, I also use this as an excuse to not even try things. There have been instances where I have attempted certain activities and paid the price the next day, either with pain or exhaustion, and that was enough for my brain to say, “See! This is why you don’t do this! You were crazy to even consider it!” With nearly every task or activity, I have to weigh how badly I will feel afterwards versus how disappointed in myself I will feel for not doing it. Not a great place to be. I also worry that since my instinct is now to just avoid anything that exacerbates how I feel, I am letting people down. I know I have lost friendships and lost touch with people I care about all because going out and being around people is too hard.
But it’s not my fault! Or is it? Honestly, probably a little of both.
This lesson suggests taking an obstacle and turning it into a to-do list, or in other words, figure out what you need to do to overcome this obstacle. We all know how much I love a good list! I know the first thing that I need to do is to get back in with my doctor and see if they can help with some of this. I have had problems with my health insurance for the past several years which has prevented me from getting anything to help with any of my health issues (if you couldn’t tell or didn’t know, yes, I’m American, and yes, our health care system is terrible). Fortunately, this will be resolved within the next month and hopefully I can get an appointment with my doctor soon after that. There are other things I can probably do in the interim, things to take better care of my body in general. Light exercise. Eating better. Taking my vitamins and supplements. I’ve been trying to do a better job of it, but when you are exhausted both mentally and physically, you don’t want to munch on carrot sticks. You want chocolate!!
Still, I’ve been taking baby steps to try and improve on these things as much as I can. I try to set a small goal each week. This week, I tried to increase my water intake (being dehydrated doesn’t help with exhaustion either) and have done really well with it. I haven’t decided what to do next week yet. In addition to drinking more water, I’ve tried to drink less soda, particularly Diet Pepsi (my drink of choice) – not eliminating it completely, because I know better than that. It wouldn’t work. It also has probably helped to not have as much caffeine later in the day so I can try to sleep a bit better. It’s not a big change, but again, I know that small steps work best for me and let me feel like I’m moving in the right direction without feeling too overwhelmed and giving up.
What would I do if this obstacle was no longer in my way? I honestly don’t know. Nothing too big. I think one of my biggest fears is that nothing would actually change. That I use my health issues as an excuse and I’m actually just lazy. It’s a definite possibility. I think the thing that scares me the most is that I know all of this, both the health issues and the laziness, is only going to get harder to overcome the older I get. I just turned 43 in December. I’m not getting any younger. If I don’t do something to make changes, it’s only going to get worse. It’s hard to not feel like I’m already too late, that I may as well just give up.
But I can’t do that. I won’t do that. I need to do something to fix this.
Categories: Daily OM